


Red/Green:Gold

by MacKyleMore



Category: Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
Genre: AHAHAHAHA THATS SO FUNNY, But whatever, I'M DOIN IT IM GONNA DO IT, M/M, OH MY GOD I CAN., also sorry for always doing whatever i want with mia, and if i was drunk editing it. then it would, bc i think thatd be really, bc my brain does not function. i dont have enough energy or smarts4 that, but like one day i wanna write something, but not really. clearly i have no shame sadly and i do, but prolly not. actually? wait.., can i gift a work to myself, cw: May Contain Heavily Implied Route of The Problem FordeKyle, drunk kyle i make that bitch drunk too much, fuckin bad. and maybe funny, i was gonna edit this drunk myself but i decided not to. how sad and unfun but i dont want, idk man. hmm, if u r a bad writer to begin with..., just bc i wanted to try the first time doin it drunk, make it MORE coherent a clear?, maybe being drunk would somehow..., maybe i'll find out one day, short while drunk and never edit it, so i cant by bring myself, somehow be even MORE incoherent than my typical incoherent writing., to edit the entire bulk of it TWICE, to have to end up editing it quite so MUCH again later, u know tha drill, wait can i, whatever the forde i want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27894841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacKyleMore/pseuds/MacKyleMore
Summary: Typical unapolagetic apology for only writing bad things for myself.but this time it's festive.christmas cavs so like. i gotta.
Relationships: Forde/Kyle





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MacKyleMore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacKyleMore/gifts).



> if you wpuld have asked me what i wanted for my 19th birthday, i would have said a new pc bc mine is very old and could hardly process any lines when i drew.
> 
> if you asked me what i wanted for my 20th birthday, i would have said i want the funds to visit the doctor. or at least, the strongest sleep drugs OTC can give me so i could get some sleep instead of being awake in pain all night. and NSAIDs and heating pads or ANYTHING to try and counter the pain which was still very new to me at the time.
> 
> if you asked me what i wanted for my birthday approx 6 months ago, I would have said just the ability for me to fucking DRAW again without it hurting so bad. because the doctor part hasnt helped. I dont even need a new pc. i just want to draw one single thing again without it hurting.
> 
> if you asked me what i wanted for my birthday today, i'd say DOCTOR APPOINTMENT SPEED RUN AND SURGERY SCHEDULING FOR MY THORACIC OUTLET NOW INSTEAD OF STILL HAVING TO WAIT FOR APPOINTMENTS AND THE LIKE.
> 
> but i can't have any of those things still. not yet. not for at least another 1.5 months. 
> 
> so this year i'm setting the bar so VERY low and all i am going to ask for is Christmas Route of The Problem FordeKyle.
> 
> And i cant be let down this year. bc it's something i'd have to do for myself. and i can do that for myself. everyone else can let me down but i am immune to myself. and i am going to give myself my gift.
> 
> and after surgery i say fuck it THERES my excuse im finally buying a new pc i deserve that much and it will be sexy.

* * *

_What's Kyle going to select?_ Forde wonders as he watches Kyle tip-toe around a pile of white elephant gifts in the center of one of the rooms in Kyle's sister's home.

Clearly, _Kyle's panicking in his head_. Clearly wanting to get his turn over with and just sit back down so he can stop being the center of attention.

_Cute._ Not really putting into consideration what present he may get; Kyle picks up a random one and rips open the paper.

"Hmmm..." Kyle groans nervously as he takes out its contents. 

And all white elephant gifts are usually the same. A selection of things that no one really knows what to pick out, but as long as anyone who opens it can get _some_ use out of it: It should be fine. 

...Poor Kyle. Looks like he got something he personally probably _won't_ get use out of.

Kyle frowns.

Then, he steps over the other presents on the floor and returns to his same spot where he previously was sitting alongside Forde. 

Forde's participation in this game means he has been told the specific rules Kyle's relatives all seem to engage in. Some people partake in these things differently, but here it goes as such: Open a present, and if you so desire, you can swap for one that's already unwrapped. But only just once after you've already opened your own.

"Not gonna swap for something else?" Forde asks under his breath; Side-eyeing Kyle.

"Hnnn... _Naaah."_ Kyle mumbles as he puts his 'present' consisting of one of those really easy to just _pick up_ boxes that always hail from department stores-- Full of assorted bath goods-- over on his side. 

Now, there are plenty more things already opened that Kyle could switch for. Placed in a middle ground of not-too-popular and not-too-niche: Kyle could have confidence that he could steal a worthwhile item for himself and still have not many others interested in stealing it back. 

_Surely_ Kyle could swap for _some_ thing.

"..." Forde starts to smile. "Because you know _I'd_ use it?"

And if Kyle would be up for it: They could even use it in a soothing, spa-like bath later on... **together.**

_"...Yeeeah."_ Kyle rolls his eyes as he groans, confirming Forde's question.

Forde makes a mental note to remember to thank Kyle. _And_ to ask about having that little bit of feel-good, joint intimacy that Forde is now planning.

_Because it's only fair that Kyle gets **some** sort of pleasure out of his own gift._

"Aaaw." Forde teases, knowing how self-aware Kyle gets when he's showing his affection in front of others. _"How sweet_." 

Without a word-- As his mouth forms a pouting line and red dusts his face-- Kyle tries to be discreet in positioning his arm to wrap under and over Forde's; So that he can intertwine both of their fingers in between their thighs side-by-side.

Even though it was only just recently Kyle's turn, everyone else is still mostly invested in their own little personal social circle or conversation. Of course, Kyle must be positive that no one else can really _hear_ their soft-spoken exchange of words. Must think that no one-- _Considering how cramped it is in here--_ Will be able to see how Kyle is so tenderly squeezing Forde's hand and running his thumb over Forde's.

"Sorta funny... How the thing that _straightened_ up Kyle's attitude was _giving him a boyfriend."_

But no matter: _Kyle's actions still do not go unnoticed._

After someone in the room says this-- Maybe one of Kyle's uncles or something... (Forde isn't entirely sure.)-- The whole of the room explodes in an uproar of laughter.

"Hhhhh _mmmmmm_." Kyle scowls bitterly, as he pinches his temples in between his fingers with his free hand.

Forde'll be honest here: _Forde_ _laughed at it,_ too. 

Kyle definitely heard how Forde _also_ found this joke funny, just as the rest of the room did. _Kyle's irritated._ So humiliated that his knuckles beneath Forde's fingertips start to show whiter than snow as he claws his tense self- _pity_ away into Forde's hand.

_...It's different_. Forde thinks. From what Forde _himself_ is used to. Having never been to anyone _else's_ house on Christmas, really. Apart from what little remains of his own family; Being _here_ in such a loud and overfilled enviornment sure is _different._

But it's not bad. _Not bad at all_. Provided the actual company is decent. And provided it means something to Kyle for Forde to be here with him.

Forde knows Kyle wouldn't have come here today on his own. Kyle's even told him himself. Kyle's told Forde he hasn't been to his family's for any holiday or anything in _years._

Maybe having Forde here makes Kyle feel better about himself.

_Thinking that may be the case makes Forde happy._

But no matter, Kyle still acts secluded; Still keeps to himself as much as possible. And he takes everything a little personally.

Over family dinner. Over gift exchange. Over catch-up in conversation and over talking about how he's been; Kyle tries to keep each of his responses short as he nervously picks at the skin around his fingernails.

...Everyone clearly cares about him; So it's a shame Kyle seems dead set on not wanting to share anything about himself.

If you go so long cutting contact, of course it'll be weird to try and get it back. _Forde can understand that._

But Forde wishes Kyle had just never put himself in this position, to _begin_ with. Kyle deserves to have people in his life who care about him. _Kyle deserves to know that much._

But, It obviously took a decent amount of sheer willpower out of Kyle to just _make it_ here; So Forde's proud of him in that respect. Even if not after long, Forde has to go and search for Kyle after he's yet again closed himself off somewhere in the vicinity of Mia's house.

Through hallways and doors and rooms, each full of some kind of conversation and all trimmed in color. Forde himself even ends up taking the role of 'filling everyone in' about Kyle's recent life to others: _Because Kyle sure as hell won't do it himself._

Not exactly _abandoned_ by Kyle. Not abandoned by Kyle... _at all_...

Forde thinks, as he keeps up in his search once he has finished up in what feels like interrupting and almost forced social situations. 

After awhile Forde even passes a particular painting Mia has up in her home-- Crafted some time ago by a pair of hands _Forde knows all too well_ and personally... Which feels downright _weird_ for him to have to see again _._

Forde can't lie: It's an almost unsettling reminder of who he is. _So Forde just pretends it's not there._

And he's looking for _Kyle,_ anyway. Not for people to casually come up to him and ask him about himself. 

Maybe, without intention: Forde's the one who abandoned Kyle by not considering enough of how difficult it is for Kyle to _really_ be here.

Eventually, after Forde peeks through a room: Finally he finds _exactly who he's looking for_ ; In the very height of Forde's own near-guilty thoughts and feelings.

"So, this is what you're in here doing?" Forde offers as he steps in. "I couldn't find you..."

And there always reaches a point, too... An almost _empty-_ energy kind of time period at _any_ given party or get together; A lot of people sleepless-- _I_ _ntroverted or not-_ \- Cannot help but feel a little drained enough to need to go and recharge.

...It seems Kyle's in need of this himself, maybe much _earlier_ than most everyone else. Standing alone, in a room with a table full of ransacked sweets and other picked-apart snacks. Not exactly eating from it anymore; Just staring it down.

"...Hmmm?" Kyle's attention is brought to Forde's voice.

It's a strange sort of realization; The way Forde notes he's feeling in this moment. Kyle's went out of his way to seclude himself, clearly. And maybe if anyone else had walked into this room with him, Kyle would be staggering to get himself out of the situation as quickly possible.

_...Since Kyle needs his second of quiet._

"Came in here to devour more dessert?" 

Forde tries at nothing more than a halfhearted joke, since he knows that's not the _real_ reason Kyle's in here alone.

"N-No..." Kyle smiles faintly, shrugging his shoulders and crossing his arms. 

Wanting a moment of silence or not: Kyle seems to not mind _Forde_ coming in here after him, at least.

_...Lucky._ Forde can't help but feel so, **_so,_** lucky. How any small turn of event can lead a person's life to something, and somehow _here Forde is now._

In his case, before Forde stands someone who's the most secure and safe-feeling, _best_ friend of a person Forde's ever had the pleasure of knowing in his whole entire life. And not even just that, but they also stand in a room at a Christmas party; Put together from a family that even just a single year ago, Forde hadn't even _met._

But _now,_ everyone here approaches Forde to talk with him in friendly and open greetings: As if Forde truly, **really,** _has a place here._

_**Lucky.**_ Lucky enough to get to see Kyle illuminated in the soft white blur of seasonal lights. Lucky enough to be able to waste Kyle's time, tired and full off of too much dinner as he probably is. Lucky enough to intake how Kyle is cast in shadowing garland of green pine and gold lace; Budding deep-red cranberries knitted in its needles. Each of which all accentuate Kyle's earth-enriched and alluring outward beauty.

...It looks _too_ **good** on him. Calm and caring and open. Warm and joyous. Like home and like the embrace of love.

_Forde is drawn to it as always._

Making his way over, wanting to _really_ be close to Kyle; Forde reaches out a hand after he notices a small reflective glint on Kyle's face. 

Closer now, Kyle unwraps his arms at his chest, opting to pull Forde in at his waist.

"You have a sparkly-thing from one of those, like, _glittery_ decorations on your face, Kyle." Forde smiles, amused.

_"Huh--?"_ Kyle asks in shock. Alarmed that Forde didn't come over to hug him like he seemed to think: But instead wipe glitter from his eyebrow.

Forde rubs it away. But not long after, he finds another on one of Kyle's cheeks.

"You have _more!"_ Forde continues to discover. In Kyle's eyelashes and on the bridge of his nose. "What were you _doing?_ Wearing wreaths as scarves!?"

"N-N-No! _Of course not!_ The materials used in some of those plastic little ornaments are just a mess! They shouldn't be so _crappy_ that they all just fall apart at the slightest touch!"

Forde laughs. _"Yeah._ And magically defy gravity to go and rise from where they may have fallen to the floor: _Onto your face."_

Kyle's beautiful, though. So if the little sparkles wanted to be so inclined to actually ignore the laws of physics, _Forde couldn't blame them._

"I hate this... It's like sand after you go to the beach." Kyle grumbles as Forde picks out a select few more stuck in the locks of green that cover the tips of Kyle's ears. "...These shiny little sparkles are gonna show up someplace new on me everyday for _weeks."_

Forde grins as Kyle pouts; Allowing Forde to continue on in grooming him.

_"It's cute_." States Forde, eventually putting a hold on picking Kyle apart.

Kyle rolls his eyes.

"Aaah ha _ah..."_ Forde draws out in a laugh, caught up in the cheer of holiday affection and foolishness. Looking into Kyle's frame of view: The streaks of color in his irises shine alongside the marks of glitter speckling his skin. That almost _nurturing_ shade in Kyle's eyes remind Forde of stately fir trees. "- _-I love you_."

...Forde just feels the need to remind him, sometimes.

"...I love you, too." Kyle sighs after giving up his earlier frown; Nudging their foreheads together.

"Eee-hee..." Forde smirks. "I love you _three."_

"Hmmm... _Ahh..._ I love you..." Kyle pauses before grinning himself. "-- _Four_ -de."

**Funny.** Forde has himself a real _catch_ here. An absolute comedic _delight._

"...Pfft." Forde shakes his head, snickering quietly. _"_ Don't _make me_ take it _back."_

Forde nuzzles his face closer; Pausing his lips over Kyle's mouth.

" _You won't take it back_." Kyle declares, leaning in to try and kiss him.

Forde hums, backing his head away. Not allowing Kyle's lips to make contact with his just yet as he giggles.

"You think I won't?" Forde gives the empty threat; All before closing back in to press a quick peck against the corner of Kyle's mouth.

_"Mmmhmmm._ If you do; Then you will have no further purpose here. _And then my sister will kick you out._ " Kyle warns, just as _empty_ as Forde's own not-so-cautious challenging was earlier.

Forde breaks, laughing so hard that it's inaudible; As he hides his face in Kyle's shoulder.

"...I don't think... that, _uhh..."_ Forde pauses to articulate his thoughts. "Hmm. _Well..._ You see; Even if I _did_ take back all of my _'I love you-s_ '...? Honestly speaking... _I still think that your family wouldn't mind me being here."_

Kyle forcefully blinks as he clicks his tongue.

**"Wow.** _Cooonfident_ , are you?" Kyle mocks, as he runs his hands up Forde's back towards his shoulders. **"** You're _that_ much of a fun and likable guy?"

"Eh... Eee-Hee... **E** **ee _Yep_."** Forde smiles into the warmth of Kyle's neck. As he peppers a couple of kisses onto Kyle's collar, Forde shifts his weight until he's leaning so much into Kyle that he doesn't even need to carry himself with both of his own feet anymore. " _They love me."_

"..."

Kyle stands holding Forde for a minute in silence. His hands traveling up past Forde's neck, fingers smoothing over Forde's hair until he starts absentmindedly braiding a portion of it together.

"...I know they do." Kyle's voice suddenly grows soft and with a hint of distance. "They love you more than they love... _me."_

Forde hitches his breath in a subsequent second of confusion, before lifting his head up to talk to Kyle with more visible communication.

Kyle seems focused on keeping his hands busy in playing with Forde's hair: _Not returning eye-contact._

"...That's not true." Forde whispers.

Kyle inhales through his mouth and out through his nose in thought. As he finishes up a braid, Kyle then combs his fingers through it to flatten it out again.

"Eh, It's a _little_ true." Kyle says, before eventually returning Forde's prior soft smile and putting his hands on Forde's shoulders. "And I'm happy. I love to watch how you so easily belong. _Because you **do,** _belong."

Kyle leans in slow, and intitiates the final move to kiss Forde with a heavy breath. 

As usual, Kyle's body against his own makes Forde feel at peace and content: Gentle and caring. Distracting and always a release of worry and fear.

The flutter of Kyle's eyelashes against Forde's skin... Kyle's low moan of an intake of air... Kyle's arms moving inward to bring Forde's chest even closer.

Kyle's happy Forde appears to belong here? That's the truth, right? 

Well, _Forde's_ happy Forde's here, too. Where else would Forde find someone who so ardently shows their affection for Forde as much as _Kyle_ does? 

Forde brings up his hand to hold Kyle's face. The shape of his jawline is something that feels like it sits perfectly in place in Forde's palm. 

And perhaps this sort of thing is too often said-- Many times, many ways...

_But having Kyle in Forde's life really is the best gift Forde could ask for._

Forde's fingers trace over Kyle's form; Even though he could-- _By now_ \-- Sketch it down from just memory _alone_ without having a _single flaw_ in the redrawing of these proportions. _Forde knows the shape of Kyle like the back of his very own hand._

But no matter: Kyle's familiarity underneath his enlightened graze is _still_ a better sensation than how the experience of tearing open the paper of a newly wrapped package or present would feel.

_...Kyle must feel the same way_. The backside of his knuckles being faintly brushed over Forde's shoulderblades. _Forde's used to this;_ Used to Kyle's personal way of touch and used to the weight of each of his individual caresses. 

Yet Forde knows he will get to feel it all again-- _Day after day_ ; Because Kyle loves Forde the way Forde loves Kyle.

_...Forde really is lucky._

"When people say get a room, they typically don't mean one of the ones inside of their _own_ homes. During Christmas parties... _While **other people** are over."_

A voice at the frame of the door cuts through the silence.

Well, _near_ -silence. Because the unmistakable and arguably _disgusting_ sound of two people making-out was what could be heard only a second ago. 

Kyle clumsily pulls his tangled arms off of Forde; _Quickly,_ as if he were just caught red handed and trying to cover up a crime he had just committed. As he clears his throat, heat flares onto his face and he nervously wipes his palms onto his pant legs.

"I...I- I'm... _Uh,_ I'm... I'm gonna get... _I need a drink."_

Kyle stammers helplessly, all before he makes a beeline for the door.

Forde laughs at how Kyle-- _While he does this_ \-- Tries so _hard_ to stare at _only the ground_ as he makes his way out. As if as long as he doesn't see Mia who has just walked in: _Mia won't see him._

Mia shakes her heard in disbelief as Kyle passes her and takes his leave.

"...He knows we can _see_ everytime he wraps an arm around you, right?"

She starts as she carries in a platter of more fresh goods to replenish a now much _emptier_ plate on the table. "Every time he thinks he's found the privacy to _suck_ on your _face?_ Each time he pets your thigh under the table? Like, just because he _jumps away_ as soon as someone walks in the room: _Doesn't mean we don't **know he does it."**_

Forde laughs. Kyle now undoubtedly out of ear shot, thankfully; Off to go _take_ shots, _probably._

"Oh, _He knows."_ Forde confirms. " He just thinks he can learn for the next time how to step _around_ getting caught... But he... _doesn't..._ learn. He fails each and every one of his attempts at hiding it."

She laughs alongside Forde at his willingness in talking about it. Much unlike Kyle: Who instead felt the need to _fle_ _e._

But it's true; _Kyle isn't as **secretive** as he tries to be._

"You know... He really loves you, Forde." Mia eventually says quietly after she's plated a few things, and picks up a napkin to clean off a bit of icing she must have gotten on her fingers.

...Why's she all of a sudden telling _Forde_ this? Of course Kyle loves him. _Kyle's a loving person._

Forde is quiet as he tries to think of something to say. When he has nothing, she continues on.

"Well I guess you wouldn't know, actually. You... _couldn't_ know. Since you didn't grow up with him..."

Cocking her head in thought, she has more to say after a pause. "But uhh, Kyle as a kid was... Well... _He was something._ And I can't even blame it on him being my brother. My parents would say the same thing. They were worried about him, I guess. Not because he didn't know _how_ to care about anyone else... But because he didn't exactly know how to care about _himself."_

"..."

_Odd._ Forde suddenly feels the need to leave _himself..._ This is kind of a sensitive conversation topic. 

But Kyle probably wants to be alone for a few seconds... Kyle wants to be alone so badly that he even left Forde alone at his own expense.

Forde doesn't need to get in the way of Kyle's personal space so prematurely a _second_ time today.

_Forde decides to stick around to hear more for the time being._

Mia takes this as a sign for her to keep talking.

"I mean, _you see the way he acts_ ; How he tries so hard to hide from us his little physical displays of affection towards you."

Why does talking about this have Forde feeling _this_ **nervous?** When he really takes the time to realize the truth; Forde had met Mia before he had met Kyle. Of course now, it doesn't really... _feel_ that way. 

But flashback to _then:_ And it was _Kyle_ that Forde was nervous in front of. It was _Kyle_ that Forde wanted to impress.

Forde is hesitant to reply as he shrugs his shoulders. "I- I... Uh... Th- _That's because he's probably just ashamed in showing someone like **me** around to his--"_

_"--That's_ what you think!? Oh my _God._ It's not _you_ he's ashamed of, Forde!" Mia has the _nerve_ to cut him off. "Kyle's ashamed of himself. He doesn't feel _worthy_ in your presence."

_\--What!?_ Yeah... _Okay._ **Suuure.** Seriously. _That doesn't add up._

Come on, Mia. Form better lies. Because **that** one was not even _remotely_ believable. Why _else_ would Kyle only ever in the presence of his _family_ shy away?

It's _Forde_ that Kyle's self-conscious about. _**Duh.**_ Not _himself!_

"Oh, Come on... That-- _That's not true_ \--" Forde probably sounds a great deal condescending as he disagrees here, doesn't he?

But he's not _meaning_ to--

"Forde. _Sweetie."_ Mia nods her head in blatant sarcasm. "I know I make fun of Kyle a lot, _but it's time I make fun of **you** now."_

Forde grumbles at a loss.

...What does _she_ know? It's not _her_ relationship.

_"Listen._ Or... _Don't._ But I'm just trying to say thanks, _I guess_. I don't know how much my parents get the chance to talk to you, or what they may say... _But thanks for giving him a chance._ On behalf of myself and my parents, obviously. _But also on Kyle's own behalf_. Because it's always been evident how committed of a person Kyle would be if he ever found himself interested in someone. It was just a matter of if anyone would ever want to **give** him that opportunity. Because on the outside he may seem a bit... _self-kept._ At least at _first..._ But I'm sure by **_now_** you already know that he _actually_ really just has heart of gold."

Oh **God.** _Th_ _at's_ a humiliating thing for the _Infamous Boyfriend_ of Kyle's to hear... Oh, _je_ _ez._ How **_embarrassing._** Even if she _is_ right about what she's saying about Kyle's personality.

...But she's making it sound like _Forde_ is the one to thank.

And Forde's **not _._**

_Forde's_ the one who's lucky, here. _Not Kyle._

Everyone should be thanking **_Kyle._**

Speaking of _'thanks'--_ Forde feels his phone vibrate in his pocket: A timely conversation killer deserving of gratitude.

_Forde_ at least is thankful for Kyle; Since the message that he gets is sent from no one other than _Kyle himself._ What a perfect excuse to put a stop to what was becoming a painfully awkward conversation.

Forde reaches to check the notification.

_Ah,_ Kyle. Forde expected Kyle would _eventually_ ask for Forde to return to Kyle's side; So that Forde can once more aid in Kyle's uncomfortable-around-everyone-else type of company. _Looks as if the time Kyle's needed to run-off and compose himself has already concluded._

Kyle's text reads:

**\---**

**Is moa still there?**

**Mia**

**or are you alone again?**

**did she leave?**

**\---**

Forde looks to Mia; Now leaning over Forde's shoulder as she joins in reading the texts.

"...Should I say _no--?"_ Forde asks.

" _Tell him I'm gone."_ Mia states bluntly with a joking laugh.

Looks at least like she still likes to make fun of Kyle just as usual. And **_not_** replace that with instead _only_ making fun of Forde.

And in teasing Kyle again... She even has a _... great and ingenious idea._

Forde goes along with it.

**\---**

**She's left.**

**Okau. good . Couls you come inti the kitchen? i think im drink**

**seunk**

**drunk.**

**\---**

"Oh no." Forde inhales abruptly.

_"...'Oh no'_ is right. How does he...? And so quickly...?" Mia trails off in thought. "Ugh, nevermind. **Whatever.** I don't know. _It's none of my business._ That being said, it's not my job nor my problem to deal with. No wonder my parents were always so worried about him growing up. Forde? _Go get your drunk boyfriend."_

_Oooh-Kay._ So she's gonna mock not only Forde, but _also_ Kyle? And then not even _offer_ assistance as soon as it's no longer _convenient_ for her? What a _stingy_ and un _fair_ pull-out! Is that where Kyle learned to be so carefully _cheap_ and unreasonably- _concerned_ over even just the smallest of life's decisions?

No _wonder_ she has a mind to imply that Kyle grew up _acting difficult._ Because Kyle had every _right_ **to** act difficult: That is if he's spent the whole of what was _supposed_ to be a youth's maturation being treated like _this!_

"...You expect me to _'get him'?_ On my _own?_ He's _heavy!"_ Forde exaggerates, laughing over how sorry he's beginning to feel for his _poor little unfortunate boyfriend._

"Yeah, Yeah... But..." Out of seemingly nowhere, Mia's laughter halts and transforms into a newly serious energy. "... _H_ _e needs you_ , Forde."

And in an almost _intended_ split-second thereafter, In Forde's shaking hand: A new message pops up on his phone's screen to make all of what Mia's saying sound _awfully **true.**_

**\---**

**Forde pleass. I missbuou. I' m dizzy.**

**please i dont want anyone else knowinh im in here like this.**

**\---**

Oh man... How pitiful.

_"I didn't see anything_." Mia turns away to feign ignorance.

Forde sighs, locking his phone and returning it to his pocket.

"Alright. I guess I've given him enough of his little _personal_ space..." Forde mumbles in acceptance.

Next, Forde prepares to walk himself out en route to a certain _N_ _eedy Kyle--_

"Forde! Hold on... _You have a little--_ " Mia stops him right before he gets the chance to leave; She points to her cheek, as if to suggest Forde has something on his face.

"Hmm?" Forde goes to wipe his cheekbone with the outer section of his palm. On it rubs off one of those _shimmering specks_ used to brighten up those _**cheap Christmas decorations.**_

Forde realizes-- While he has removed the gleam of glitter that _somehow_ made its way onto his face-- Forde's probably now just _replaced_ it instead with a _glowing blush._

"Aaah--! Uh-- Th- _Thanks."_ Forde scrambles to say before he's off to find Kyle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wasnt gonna originally split this in two chapters but its too long bc something about writing my own au makes me fuggen crazy and ahhhh
> 
> i like mia bc all we know is her name. so i can do whatever the fuck i want with her personality. so i really just think itd be funnier if she acts more like forde and constantly makes fun of kyle, while franz on the other hand kinda acts more like kyle. 
> 
> little baby brothers gotta band together sometime and take a stand against their bully older siblings lmao


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now i dont really need to plop my warning sign here in chapter 2 AS WELL i dont think but im gonna do it anyway. bc i alone think its funny.
> 
> also i alone know the utter HELL i put my physical body thru during the periods of time where i forced myself to continually draw myself shit throughout my agonizing thoracic outlet syndrome symptoms. no one else could ever know exactly the lengths i went thru in order to draw myself the most menial of things.
> 
> so i decided with what i managed in those times, as painful as it was: i have every right to drain every single last drop of the things i drew dry in some shape or form.
> 
> maybe sometimes those things will be nothing more than used on a blinding orange sign in my self-indulgent fics, but. it is what it is.
> 
> (STILL to this day, over a year since the chronic pain and hurt has started, STILL crying just bc you cant so easily draw two boys kissing anymore, ao3 user MacKyleMore???
> 
> damn right i am😥😢😭)

* * *

Before Kyle stands two towers: Both of which contain some sort of holiday-themed cocktail. Slices of orange rinds and swollen cranberries float in their pink-tinted tides.

The structures appear identical; Apart from the pull-down handles used to siphon out the drinks that they contain.

The one on the left has a green knob, while the one alongside it is colored red: _Themed for Christmas._

Kyle nervously bounces his heel as he dispenses himself a glass from the one on the right.

_Why didn't Forde come after him?_

Kyle remembers-- At the beginning of the night-- Mia's husband casually pointing out that a specific _one_ color was the one containing alcohol; While the _opposing_ one was free of it.

But with no other obvious sign as they stand before him, Kyle is not sure which is virgin and which is not. Since he does not _remember_ which was said as what.

_Seriously._ This is set up confusingly. Kyle thinks whoever put this self-serve bar out should have written such an _important_ detail like that down on a slip of paper; And then should have taped it to the face of the table on the outer sides respectively in order to easily specify between the two.

But it's a coin flip, _as far as Kyle's concerned_. And If he's giving himself the spiked one-- _Like he wants-_ \- Then that's great. 

But if not? _No big deal._

...What's Forde _doing_ in there, anyway? Are the two of them _talking?_ If so... _What about?_

Kyle brings his glass to his lips, testing the palate carefully with his tongue.

_Ugh._ If Forde's alone in there without Kyle: Then they have _got_ to be talking. Probably talking _about_ Kyle. Probably making _fun_ of Kyle. 

Huh... _It tastes fruity_. A hint of tartness biting through its sweet aroma. It's good, actually. Sort of refreshing... No _way_ is this the one with liquor.

Kyle figures maybe this is actually for the better. If he were to get drunk like he had originally planned: _He knows how the rest of the night would pan out._

It would be the same as every _other_ time Forde and himself go out: The next 24 hours or so Forde would be giving him the cold shoulder over making Forde have to drive Kyle home. 

_'I'm tiiired_.' Forde always whines at these moments when Kyle's had enough to drink. _'I hate having to drive home all the time. It's laaate!'_

Kyle smiles to himself as he's thinking about Forde and about how much he loves him.

Then he remembers Forde is likely talking about him behind his back.

_Kyle scowls bitterly._

Anxiously, Kyle looks over his shoulder. _Still no Forde in sight._ How's Forde still not shown himself!? Why does he get _off_ on making fun of Kyle to Kyle's relatives?

Kyle chugs until he's swallowed the last drop of his beverage, and quickly pours himself another. _It's acidic;_ He can feel its pungent sharpness in the back of his throat...

But Kyle likes those contrasting elements. The small kick of flavor distracts his mind (if only for a mere second) from his ongoing mental turmoil.

Dear God. Why does... Why does _Kyle's_ family get off _themselves_ in making fun of Kyle alongside Kyle's boyfriend!? Where's the joy in acting like it's ' _shocking'_ everytime Kyle wants to show his affection? Why do they all seem to think Kyle is incapable of _caring_ about someone?

_Kyle downs the first half of his second drink._

Where _is_ Forde? Kyle lifts up his right arm to get a read of his wrist watch. How _long_ is Kyle gonna have to wait before Forde's back at his side!?

_Kyle downs the remaining half._

Everybody loves Forde. _As they should._ But what is _Kyle's_ purpose, then? Does Kyle even _have_ one? **Apparently,** it's weird if Kyle loves Forde. **Apparently,** it's weird if Kyle feels _anything_ at _all..._ Maybe Kyle's only _place_ here is to act as nothing more than a connection to bring Forde's energetic personality around so that it can brighten up his family's lives?

Leaning forward over the counter for support, _Kyle pours a third._

**...No.** Even _that's_ not Kyle's purpose; Kyle concludes. Because when he takes a closer look: Forde had been able to find his way here into Kyle's family's lives even _before_ Kyle had ever fallen in love with him.

After he had walked in here earlier: Kyle had gotten another chance to see Forde's so- _significant_ and _memorable_ painting-- Ordered and sought out by Mia all _before_ Kyle had ever even just seen Forde's face for the first time.

Not really all that long ago _..._ _Forde had breathed his patient and focused heart into this very commission._

...Kyle hasn't seen it for awhile. _Seeing it again today seems to have stirred something up from the depths of Kyle's emotions._

No. _Kyle hasn't done anything;_ He sees... When the truth hits him like it's doing right now.

All Forde does, Forde could very well do all on his own. Even if Kyle had never met Forde; _Forde would still be here even if only in the form of his work._

Kyle sniffs. _He's feeling too emotional._ He needs something to clear his head. After too long: _He's not good in social settings._ He needs to hydrate himself. Or _sugar_ to wake him up... Or... _So_ _mething._

It takes a good seperate four of five swigs this time, but Kyle once again empties out this particular third cup before he fills it up _one last time._

In fact, Kyle's _so_ caught up in his feelings _that he needs to sit down._ He ends up stumbling over to a chair at the dining table. Pulling it out, Kyle lets his own weight drag him down onto it while his thoughts are rapidly consuming him.

_His face is warm_. He doesn't feel well.

_Kyle blinks slowly_... Shit. **Wait...**

_...Was_ this the one with alcohol?

Kyle wonders as he lifts the lip of his glass so that it's level with his eyes, staring it down.

Kyle takes a sip, smacking it against the roof of his mouth to try and figure this out.

_**...Fuck.** _

_"Ughhhhh."_ Kyle groans. 

There's no _way_ he just drank _that_ much _**that**_ quickly.

_..._ _But Kyle thinks he did._

Kyle _hates_ when things taste more like juice than actual alcohol. _Then_ he doesn't know what is _too much_ and what _isn't!_ **Then** he _doesn't know when to **stop.**_

Now he's drank himself dizzy. _Great._ This is a terrible situation... He's all alone in here. Why's he so _inwardly_ emotional? But more than that; Why's he such an _emotional **drunk?**_

Hmm... At least the warm feeling in his head is slowly spreading to his chest and stomach... Wait. Kyle changes his mind. _This actually isn't so bad_. He at first _wanted_ a bit to drink **_anyway..._**

Yeah. Maybe not so _much_ in such a _small frame_ of **_time..._** But... 

It's getting kinda _blurry_ in here... _Kinda hazy_. Kyle staggers to put his cup down on the table behind him as he reclines his legs out over the floor... _This isn't so bad._ The faint sound of a crowd in the other room is muffled in Kyle's daze. It's a quaint sort of barely-audible static. A good type of buzz... And it even smells of sweet cinnamon in here where Kyle sits in contemplation.

If Kyle were to stand up, (If he can still _stand_ right now, that is.) And walk through the hall directing into Mia's living space: _He would again see Forde's painting_. Warm and with hues of golden brown-- _Inviting colors._ Easy on the eyes; But not without spots of cool shadows and light here and there to _really_ make the **_emotion_** shine through.

...Kyle reminisces on how he can so _easily_ in just his _head--_ Even though he hardly gets the chance to look over this specific piece in person anymore, nowadays _\--_ With nothing more then memory alone Kyle can still recall **_exactly_** what it looks like. That's the impression it will leave on you. _**That's** how good Forde is in his work._

Forde's style always reflects how much of a romantic he secretly, really, _is;_ Under the surface. Beneath his open and out-there, _ridiculous_ showcase of personality: _Ford_ _e's still truthfully affectionate and kind and caring and thoughtful and loving and--_

Oh God. _Forde's so incredible_. Forde has honestly _every aspect_ of a person to him that Kyle so fondly **respects.** _Forde is all Kyle could **ever** want in a partner._

**Everybody here loves Forde**. Kyle thinks again. _As they should._

But Kyle realizes... Forde _himself_ only really loves **_one_** _person_ here...

_Kyle remembers that this one single person is **himself.**_

Kyle feels tears of heartfelt joy well up in the corners of his eyes.

_Kyle is too **lucky.**_

Kyle fumbles for his phone is his back pocket.

With it now in his hand, Kyle uses his index finger to scroll through his text conversations until he finds the one that is titled: **❤🍯Forde🍯❤**

**\---**

**Is moa still there?**

**\---**

Shit. Why is typing so much harder when you're intoxicated? 

**\---**

**Mia**

**\---**

Kyle corrects his mistake with a following message. He can't come off as _too_ hammered.

**\---**

**or are you alone again?**

**did she leave?**

**\---**

Kyle waits a minute, staring at the screen. Blinking slowly... Come _on,_ Forde. Text _baaack._ Kyle's even swallowed his embarrassed little _pride_ and found it in himself to text you first--

**\---**

**She's left.**

**\---**

A text bubble on Forde's end pops up.

Ah! _Yaaay..._ That means Forde's not mad with Kyle for leaving so quickly! _Kyle sits up_. Then his head spins. Then, _Kyle decides to slouch back into the chair again._

**\---**

**Okau. good . Couls you come inti the kitchen? i think im drink**

**seunk**

**drunk.**

**\---**

Kyle takes a minute to read over his own messages. He swears they weren't _that_ riddled with typos before he had sent them. Shaking his head as he frowns; Kyle gives up on grammar.

As long as Forde can at least still understand what Kyle's _trying_ to say; Then Kyle has no solid reason to have to correct everything.

**\---**

**Forde pleass. I missbuou. I' m dizzy.**

**please i dont want anyone else knowinh im in here like this.**

**\---**

Kyle stares at his phone; Watching and waiting.

Wait... Why isn't Forde responding now? _Is_ he mad!? Kyle didn't mean to hurt Forde's _feelings_ by leaving him off on his own... _Kyle just gets so easily humiliated in the face of his family._

With patience and incredibly slow speed to ensure that the next of what he's saying is legible; Kyle meticulously types out character-by-character, while carefully using every fragment of his brain power:

"I... love you, Forde..." Kyle relays under his breath what he's typing. "I'm sorry I'm... such a... bad... boyfriend. I'm sorry I'm no good... at showing you how much you really mean to me... in front of everyone."

Kyle's thumb hovers over the send button on this set of words he has just composed. He's just about ready to click enter before he startlingly hears Forde say something from down the hall.

Kyle-- As quickly as he can manage with his disoriented reaction time-- Locks his phone and glances up at the sound of Forde's familiar voice.

"...Kyle?" Forde asks in question. Once he's walked into the kitchen, Forde looks around until he's spotted Kyle as he's haphazardly sitting in a chair.

Kyle watches Forde hold back what looks like a sudden urge to laugh.

"How much did you drink, Kyle...?" Forde asks in attempt to hide his nervous grin; His eyes hover a second over to Kyle's glass.

"...Nhh... Not _thaaat_ much."

" _Not that much?"_ Forde repeats, sounding unconvinced.

"..."

Kyle says nothing; Distracted. Instead of retaliating, Kyle proceeds to take this chance to get a good look at Forde. 

_...Woah._ Kyle thinks in between his slightly blurred vision. _Forde is **stunning.**_ Forde is **_beautiful._** Forde's hair looks so fluffy and soft. Lips pursed in an adorable little pout... Concern in his eyes.

"You're pretty, Forde..." Kyle sighs as he continues on in appreciating Forde's pleasant features:

Cute and festive cable-knit sweater pulled over a collared shirt. Long eyelashes. Inviting liveliness in the hand he's extending outwards as he makes a move to check on Kyle's well-being.

"Really... _Really_ pretty." Kyle elaborates.

_"'Pretty'."_ Scoffs Forde. "Pretty _irresponsible,_ I'd say. To let you run off and guzzle every drop of whatever you could find in sight."

"It wasn't that much... It..." Kyle tries to defend himself, but he's having a hard time because his thoughts are moving faster than his capability to express them with words. "It waaasss... _wasn't **supposed**_ to be."

_"Not that much_." Forde states in disbelief yet again as he starts cackling. "Yeah. _Okay._ I swear... I have no idea how you sometimes seem to be such a lightweight. You're like, six feet tall. _You're not exactly tiny."_

Kyle whines. Kyle didn't mean to put himself through this, _l_ _ike_ this. Because _Forde_ seems to think Kyle did this to himself on _purpose._

"...Not a... Not a _phyiii_ sical _\--"_ Kyle licks his lips in thought. "--I'm not physically lightweight. But like... _mentally...?"_ Kyle questions.

Forde hangs his head as he shakes it. His hand now rests on Kyle's shoulder as he gingerly pats Kyle's arm.

"...I think you're right. Your emotional personality and the way you _present_ yourself are like two seperate entities." Forde lifts his head back up with a smile. " _And I love them both."_

...Is... Kyle's face so hot right now because of the stuff he just put in his system...? Or because he gets a _different_ sort of high off of Forde telling him he loves him?

"Mmm..." Kyle reaches for his cup, feeling inferior in this situation and feeling that if he were to remind Forde that he loves him back: _I_ _t wouldn't retain it's meaning all that well_. No matter **how** true it is. "How much percen-- _Ahhm_... per _centage_ isss iiin this?"

Forde laughs.

...

_How sweet._

"Enough." Forde says as he takes the glass away and instead reaches to hold Kyle's face in his hand. "There's _enough_ percent."

_Woah._ Kyle thinks again.

Forde's so _strong._ **Wow.** Kyle feels like he could drift off to sleep, cradled in Forde's soft-touch. Kyle doesn't even need to put in the effort to keep the heaviness in his own head up. _All he has to do is rest it in Forde's palm._

_"_ N _-No._ Not enough _... Because I'm not drunk_ , Fo- _Mmm..._ **Forde."** Kyle whispers. 

Forde's thumb smoothly strokes over Kyle's cheekbone.

"You're _not...?"_ Forde asks in wonder; Clearly acting as if Kyle is bullshitting here. "But you _texted_ me telling me you _were...?"_

Oh, damn. _That's right._ Kyle did, didn't he?

"...Yeah I jussst..." Kyle trails off. _"Thaaah..._ \--That was just a lie to g- ge... _get_ _you out here_. Because I... _wanted to see you."_

Forde smiles bashfully: Evidence suggesting he's _f_ _lattered._

Kyle knows he's drunk. _He can admit **that** much to himself._ He's drunk, but even though he's drunk...?

Aaayyy: _He's still got it._

"Right, _Right."_ Forde lifts his free hand to squeeze the bridge of his nose with his fingertips in order to recover. " _You're not **drunk.**_ Because really you're just... _'drink'."_

Oh shit. Was _that_ what Kyle input into his text message? He typed _'_ _drink'!?_

What's Kyle to do now?

_...Own it._ At this point.

"Eeeh... _Yeah."_ Kyle starts laughing faintly, as trying so hard to _appear_ sober when he's clearly _not_ is catching up to him. "Aaaeeiiihhh... **_I'm drink."_**

Forde sighs to keep himself from laughing.

Oh, jeez. Is Forde beautiful or what? Soft skin. Dear smile. Spark of pure-gold in his pale, caring eyes. Tender motion to his attention to Kyle; About as thoughtful and focused as he is when he puts all his soul into a painting. Slow batting of his burnt-caramel colored lashes.

Oh my _God_ he's sooo _beautiful._ Oh my God he's the epitome of ' _perfect for Kyle_.' He's so amazing Kyle can't even stare at him for too long; Otherwise he will be overcome with such strong affection... _Aaaaahhhh--_

Kyle snaps his head to look at anything _but_ The Angelic Forde _._ Or, Kyle... _tries..._ to snap his head away. It _feels_ like he's turned his gaze away quickly... But it probably was much _slower_ since he can't function as normal: His movements are currently being dimmed down by an untold type of liquor.

But looking at Forde too long makes his heart feel extremely full and heavy. So he has to look somewhere else. _At least for a second._

...It's so dull in here, _now._ In comparison to the bright light of Forde's soul and energy. The string of lights draped over Mia's kitchen window don't really shine at all. The wonderful fragrance of savory baked apples Kyle had noticed earlier... _Al_ _l of a sudden seems much duller_. Forde's painting isn't even in this room; So not even _that_ is here to see and stimulate his mind. The small little tree on Mia's counter is _boring--_ Even _with_ the colored tinsel decorated through its branches.

_Forde could do better_. Kyle thinks. If Forde had hung the ornaments on it instead. Hell, The one Forde set up back at their apartment looks so _good._ Forde had painstakingly color-coordinated ornament after ornament, light after light... Forde stood alongside Kyle and told Kyle which ones to hand him next, as he decorated it all so wonderfully. Anyone who would walk in to see it would have their eyes drawn into a guided and captivating path.

As for Mia's tree... It's like... _blah._ Like, Just thrown together. Even the meaningful pieces on it-- The photos and mementos-- They all just kind of _sit_ there without consideration as to how visible they are in how they hang.

Kyle skims it over harder as he thinks of what Forde would probably do with it instead. Like that specialty one Kyle sees closer to the bottom. A paired couples ornament? To represent her and her husband's first Christmas together...

Forde and Kyle's tree have one like that too, actually. Come to think of it. Forde put it closer to the upper-center: Making certain it was _very **easy**_ to notice.

It doesn't really make sense, honestly. The rest of their personal tree back home is so uplifting to look at. But Forde one day bringing home that single ornament, and _putting it on the tree_ and _personalizing it for the two of **them**_ doesn't make any _real sense--_

"...See, Forde. Look." Kyle groans, as his attention is still driven across the room. "Their tree has one of those... one of those fir-f... first. _First._ One of those first year together ornam... ment... thingies you bought earlier."

"Yeah, Kyle?" 

Forde's giggling.

Why's Forde giggling? 

_Nothing Kyle's saying is worthy of giggle-material._

"...I told. You." It's not like Kyle's slurring _that_ bad; Kyle figures, since he **_knows_** he's drunk and is trying _very hard_ not to sound like he is. He can't _possibly_ be stuttering phrases so much that _that's_ the reason why Forde's laughing.

_"I told you before_." Kyle gathers his thoughts. "Those are supposed to be for couples who are... you know like... _like..._ mmmh... **_married."_**

Forde raises his eyebrows, finally kneeling himself closer on the ground in front of the chair: Level with Kyle.

"...Are they?" For some reason, Forde seems like he's talking as if he were trying to get through to a child in the tone of his voice.

Kyle looks around to make sure that they are still alone and that Forde is still talking to him and him only.

"Y-Yeah. So I still don't... umm... I don't know why you bought one. _Why'd you buy one?_ Forde? _Why'd you write our names on them in your paint--?"_

Kyle got that sentence out _very_ well, he feels like. _He's not a lightweight_. What was Forde talking about when he said that earlier?

"--Kyle, _Kyle..."_ Forde's voice gets a little louder the second time Kyle's name is said.

Forde's hand travels up and down the side of Kyle's face and neck; Securing a _Drunk_ -Kyle until he's feeling more and more loved with each bit of surface area Forde covers.

_"Listen._ I thought I explained this when I first showed it to you. It's still _our_ **first** Christmas together. _No where on it does it say **'married'."**_

"But iiittt'ss con _fuuusing_ and _wrong--!"_

Forde's fingertips brush up to Kyle's forehead, swiping his bangs away. A breath of cool air finds its way onto his intoxicated-sort of sweat-soaked complexion. It feels nice and refreshing. Forde strokes the side of Kyle's face; _Sturdy and supportive_. The strengthly-capable touch of the only person Kyle can say makes Kyle _so often finally feel confident in himself._

The only person Kyle has felt comfortable allowing into his heart. _And the only person who Kyle cannot stand to imagine not having in his life._

"That's okay, Kyle." Forde reassures just like always, in his warmth and word choice. Forde usually doesn't compose himself as _serious;_ So when he _is_ speaking with conviction just like he is now _:_ Kyle knows that Forde _means_ it.

_Even if Kyle **is** shit-faced._

"You know why it's okay...?" Forde stalls for time... Almost as if he's nervous to say what he wants to next.

"...This is just the first one _together._ We can buy another one; A _different,_ **new** one once we're _actually_ married. _And they will both have their own special meaning."_

_..._

**Ah.** Okay. _That makes sense._ Sometimes, after Forde explains himself: _He makes sense._

Kyle considers, as he fixes his eyes back and forth from the gentle thumb caressing his face and the timid-looking smile that Forde has on.

Huh...

_...Wait a minute._

"Wh... What?" Kyle tries asking after _something_ in what Forde just implied starts to click.

_"You're drunk_ , Kyle. Don't listen too hard to anything I'm saying." Forde leans in to swiftly kiss Kyle between his temple and forehead. _"C'mon._ Let's get you some place else. I think your sister will let you lie down in her guest room if I ask her--"

"Wait, _Forde..._ You--"

_"--Get up_ , Kyle." Forde wraps his arms under Kyle's shoulder to lift him. "I think you need some rest. I'll make sure you're okay. Hopefully you didn't make yourself _too_ sick."

_No._ Why does Forde keep trying to change the subject that _he_ started?

"Nooo, Forde. _I wanna_ \--"

"I-I-I... _I think she said something about_... Something about how your parents were gonna spend the night after everyone else has left?" Forde stammers. "Maybe she wouldn't have a problem with just us, too? Because... _Because if I'm being honest_ \-- I don't wanna drive you home this late if you're drunk like this. Especially because I think it's... supposed to start snowing pretty badly later tonight--?"

Forde has a lot to say, doesn't he?

"..."

"And-- And... _Uhhh..._ Because... Because I told my dad I was gonna stop by for a few minutes tonight to see him and my brother, but... It's getting kind of late. Maybe I'll just go tomorrow afternoon. _Then it won't be so late and then maybe you'll feel better and we'll have more time."_

_..._ Like. A _lot_ to say. 

"..."

"You know... Franz is excited to see you again. He loves talking to you. Sometimes I think you two get along _too_ well. Eh... I'm a little jealous. He's been texting me all day asking when we were gonna visit. He's gonna be sad to hear he's gonna have to wait until tomorrow, I bet. But it's for the better, I think. We won't be in such a rush."

...So much to say. _There's so much richness in his soul._ Look at how far he's come. In even just the time Kyle's known him. He's gotten so far. _He has so much to say_. About his own family and profession. _Kyle's so proud of him_. It's so wonderful to see Forde comfortable in his own skin and believing in himself, to where his father has started respecting the work that goes into his job. And Forde has an easier time communicating with his dad nowadays. All he really has to do is put himself out there. It wouldn't take all that much for _anyone_ to see that Forde is fantastic. _Forde has no reason to hide himself._

Forde has so much that he could passionately talk about. **Forde has so many interesting things that he can say in reference to _who Forde is._**

...Ahh; _But it's nice to hear._ His voice is so soothing. Everything Forde always says; _Kyle is all ears_.

A lot to say... Wait... What _is_ Forde saying, actually?

Well... Maybe what Forde's _saying_ isn't all that significant. _Kyle's drunk_. All he needs to recognize is that the person who is speaking to Kyle; _Is speaking to Kyle in his usual and loving manner._

And they've _both_ come so far, actually. Just because Kyle can recognize Forde's growth... Doesn't mean he himself isn't in a better place now, either. Because who is he kidding. _He knows he is._

That's impressive, huh? Forde's so perfect he even helps Kyle to be able to restore his touch with Kyle's own personal life.

...Not as a whole, no. Kyle has learned-- In his days surrounded in Forde's lifestyle-- The _truth_ behind the whole _'An artist's worst critic is themselves_ ' thing. Forde never seems to give himself any _real_ credit. He isn't perfect, but that certainly plays the main role in why Kyle thinks Forde is so _continually_ making progress. 

Not perfect. Because there's always going to be a new level to reach.

_But definitely **perfect for Kyle.**_

...Kyle's main purpose here is to act as a more closely-knit bridge between his family and Forde...? 

Nah. _That's not true._

Kyle's main purpose is to help Forde grow; So that Forde can help Kyle grow, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha thinking about how in like november 2019 i had an xmas fic started. and then i lost the drive and energy to finish it due to a certain Event draining all my energy. 
> 
> and i remember thinking "lol thats cool i can just do it next year as in 2020" but like, i also didnt take myself seriously because i was like "lol in a year i'll no longer care abt fordekyle. no way i'll still be so invested in fordekyle in a year."
> 
> well. flash forward. my phone deleted that old wip of nov 2019. my pain didnt go away. my fordekyle brain only got stronger, in order to counter the mental hurt that came along side being in that (at the time) confusing and unexplained pain: and thus fordekyle became a genuine reason and coping strat to keep me going through it all. and in the middle of this i wrote a fic that would ultimately own my ass and all of my coherent thought process.
> 
> and i in the end, a year later, I still be writing forde and kyle. wow. only difference is back then route of the problem didnt yet exist, so that original christmas fic which got deleted was just a normal fic. 
> 
> its a shame i have to ruin everything lol.
> 
> nah jk. i love my au. fuck everything else.

**Author's Note:**

> now if u will excuse me i am going to, like kyle, get shit faced bc i am legal drinking age today and if i've learned anything in the past 14+ months of unrelenting thoracic outlet syndrome symptoms...? it's that there is only one thing that really numbs my pain at all, and its alcohol and jesus god i know thats a recipe for literal disaster and not a good mix with all my pain meds. but when im not getting perscribed anything new to help and it takes an average of 2 months inbetween my dr appointments? a bitch dont care anymore. a bitch has got to do what a bitch has got to do.
> 
> i mean. i'm not dead yet. thats gotta count for something... right?. i never thought i could have made it this far under these circumstances. but i did. happy birthday absolute shit human. tbh i wish u never did make it thru another year, with all things considered and how it has panned out. despite your own body's best efforts in truly trying to kill you, you r still alive. your own body wants you dead but u just wont die! and for what? like whats the use. lol. u have none.
> 
> but whatever. enjoy your present. unbelievable you have to do everything yourself.


End file.
